The Musical Diary of Greg ScheerI needed to take a break from all the dark, serious stuff I’ve been writing, so I decided to write a FAWM theme song in the form of a march: MP3.
Fa fa fa fa FAWM
You make me ca ca crazy
A a all along
You make me ma ma mad
14 sa sa songs
sa sa sounded so so easy
but ta ta ta two weeks to go
it’s going to kick my
Fa fa fa fa February
Album Writing Month (2x)
Fa fa fa fa FAWM
You make me ca ca crazy
I’m really freaking out!
I’m a “push neatly from the bottom of the tube” type of person. My wife is a “grab and squeeze until something gives” type of person. I sometimes look at the mangled tube and wonder “What did that poor thing do to deserve to be grabbed by the neck and choked like that?” And “Is this just a different brushing ritual, or is there some latent rage behind it all?” As is often the case, my random ruminations on mundane objects like toothpaste tubes morph into song ideas. So while the song is not about Amy per se, it was inspired by her. I offer it as perhaps the strangest Valentine’s Day song ever: Toothpaste.
Have you lost faith?
Have you lost heart?
Has what is left grown tired and hard?
Has it been hard?
Has it been long?
Has it been going on and on?
Would it kill you
To not treat the toothpaste
Like something you were trying to strangle?
Has it gone too far?
Has it gone too wrong?
Has it just worn you down?
Are you left with rage
When all your love is gone?
Are you left with nothing left at all?
Would it kill you
To not treat the toothpaste
Like something you were trying to strangle?
Are you left with nothing left at all?
Taking a break from all the seriousness, here’s a goofy little kid’s song: Raisins.
Yesterday I was rehearsing with a piano-playing mom. She had to take a call, so I entertained her son Blake with a song about the raisins he was eating. This morning I decided it was good enough to round out with verses about graham crackers and oranges.
Raisins. I’m just wild about raisins.
And I’m craving nature’s perfect dessert
These shriveled grapes
Make me go ape
Make me go crazy and it’s only getting worse
So give me raisins and you won’t get hurt
Graham crackers. I love to snack on graham crackers.
The biggest factor is their crispy sweet crunch.
In twos or in fours
In soup or s’mores
I’d fight a weed whacker to have them for lunch
So give me graham crackers and I’ll start to munch
Orange. Sweet, juicy orange.
Sing la la loobidy lorange dabba doobity doo
Peel off their skin
And I’ll jump right in
Ba boobadee borange ee doo, la loobidy loridy loo
I’d like an orange. How ‘bout you?
What this world needs is more hymns about digestive regularity, don’t you agree? Well, wait no longer, world, because Isaac Watts and Greg have you covered.
Two decades ago, a friend of mine showed me the Isaac Watts’ text “Blest Is the Man Whose Bowels Move.” We had a good laugh over it. Then, two summers ago the folks at Hymnary.org and I led a “Weird Hymn Sing” featuring many of the quirky jewels we found as we added historic hymnals to our database. I seized the opportunity to write a new tune for this timeless Watts’ text. I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of this musical accomplishment.
Last week I had the chance to lead it again, and this time it was captured on a recording. You may want to read the music while listening to the MP3, because it all breaks down into laughter in the second verse. It’s also worth taking a look at the music because there are abundant humorous scatological references throughout.
If you’re interested in hearing the whole program, “Hymns that Time Forgot,” you can check out the MP3 (it’s large) and the program. Maybe you want to bring the quirkiest hymn sing on the planet to your town?…
When I lived in Pittsburgh, I was part of a group called the Rascals, Rogues and Rapscallions. It was a men’s club (not that kind of men’s club) that convened to hear presentations on a variety of arcane topics, after which songs were sung and cigars were smoked. Our summer meetings always centered on a “mass challenge.” Instead of one person presenting in depth, everyone was given the challenge to find “that interesting thing” about XYZ, and give a 5 minute presentation on what they found.
One year, we were given random coordinates on a map and given instructions to bring back a story. I was given coordinates that landed me in the middle of a state forest. All I could bring back was a song, aptly entitled “There Was Nothing There.”
There Was Nothing There
Latitude 41 44 53
Longitude 79 13 58
June 2, 1995 Greg ScheerIf you look at a map of world
in the center’s the United States
take a right at Chicago, IL
you’ll run right into Warren, PA
In Warren County the heart of it all
Watson Township the crowning jewel lays
like the big empty ring that it is
it runs circles around lots of space.There is nothing there.
There is nothing there.
Everywhere you look you’ll find
nothing, ‘cause nothing is there.
If you lo œok to the North,
If you look to the South,
Search the East or West
still there’s nothing thereI just had to see for myself
what mysteries this place could hold
I blazed a path to the depth of the woods.
And when I fixed my sore eyes on my goalThere was nothing there…
But in the end I needed some proof
so I went to develop my film
that would show that this journey was no spoof
but what I found in the camera shocks me still.There was nothing there…
This will not go down in history as great art. But at the time, I thought it was a pretty cool answering machine message: MP3
More fun with creative phone messages! This time it’s me singing a two-part counterpoint message inviting people to leave a message: MP3
I learned about Vine six second videos yesterday, and today started thinking about all the cool musical things that could be done with them. Problem: no iPhone. But on the way to Guitarchestra rehearsal this evening I began writing a 6 second worship song in my head in the hopes one of the players would have one. Sure enough, Jim Zoeteway is enough of a techie to have brought his. He downloaded the app during rehearsal and we learned and filmed the song at the end of the night. (“This kind of quality in that little time?” you say. Oh yes.)
Without further ado, I present to you the world’s first 6 second, infinitely repeatable worship song, played by the Church of the Servant Guitarchestra–sideways–and documented in a Vine video: https://vine.co/v/bPEaJTtH5hQ.
Back in the day (in this case, grad school at Pitt in the 90s), people had physical answering machines sitting next to their phones. This was one of the many inconveniences of living in pre-digital times. On the other hand, one could have lots of fun recording creative phone messages. Here’s one of me playing harmonics on the bass and speaking in my mellowest phone message voice: MP3
Today we commence what has become an annual event at Greg’s music blog: spring cleaning. Usually I post music I’m currently working on, but for the next week or so I’ll be posting rediscovered treasures from the vaults.
We begin with a quirky little number I wrote for Amy. When we first got married, she used a fancy facial cleaner (what a man would call a bar of soap) religiously. She’d get all out of whack if she didn’t wash her face with it, because she was sure that she would break out with pimples, warts, and all manner of blemishes. She dubbed this magical beauty elixir Special Soap.
So I wrote and recorded an old school jingle for this much-loved beauty bar: MP3